Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Story of us

Oh where do I begin? And just how honest shall I be?

In September/October of 2004, I was in an on & off "relationship" with a boy I met in college. We went to a Bones Brigade show, despite my distaste for the band, on our way up to a weekend in Vermont. His name was Derek, and while he was a very nice boy and treated me well, we both knew it wasn't really going much of anywhere. We were pretty different. We had fun together, but it wasn't a relationship that had much substance. We were going in very different directions in life.

Anyway, we went to that show. It was at a church of sorts. I stood in the back with Derek, just kind of taking it all in. I saw a group of boys that were tough to miss. John and his friends kind of stick out in a crowd, even if it is such an autonomous crowd as is typical at a hardcore/thrash show. I remember thinking that John and his friends looked like the only kids having fun. They were the only ones joking around and laughing. I definitely noticed them, but never said hello. I mean, why would I? I was with a boy, and was perfectly content.

A couple weeks later I went out with my best friend, Lori. She is from a very different social circle than the one I was spending most of my time. She was living a very typical college life style. She frequented college bars and clubs. I frequented shows, coffee shops, dive bars, and a more "alternative" crowd, for lack of a better term. I hesitate to use the term "hipster" due to the stigma of it, but I guess I should call a spade a spade.

Lori & I were headed out for Halloween weekend. I believe it was a Friday or Saturday night, and Halloween was on  a Sunday if memory serves me correctly. We went to some bar, and then headed to a really scummy Providence club. I won't name names, but this club was very "college dude guy" oriented. It was right around the corner from Club Hell, which I frequented, and I had a little anxiety that someone would see me going in this other club, because it was the punchline of a lot of jokes in my circle. At any rate, we went in, and I had a good buzz on, and we were dancing. Then I saw John dancing with a friend. I couldn't be sure if it was actually the same kid.

Here's where the story gets embarrassing. In my infinite wisdom I followed him around this club for a solid 2 hours before Lori pushed me into him! Seriously? What are we, 5 years old? Well, that's how it happened. And since I had not prepared myself with anything to actually say in those two hours of trailing him, I uttered some ridiculous statement about how people "like us" aren't usually at this club, and it was nice to see him. Oh that was after I made sure he was the same kid from the show weeks before. Here I am claiming to be "different" from "these people", yet I'm sure dressing the part. I completely forgot I was dressed like a hooker. Oh and carrying Lori's cigarettes (something that i am vehemently against). Oh and drunk and John is straight edge. No drinking. Way to make a fool of yourself.

I chalked it up as a cringeworthy night, and hoped I wouldn't run into him again. Except I woke up (very hung over) and couldn't stop thinking about him. So I did what any 20 year old girl would do in 2004. I went straight to myspace. I searched and searched. 3 days later, I happened upon him by accident!!! Seriously, he showed up on a mutual friend of one of my ex boyfriends. It took me a few more days, and I sent him a message saying something about, how I made a fool of myself, but we should hang out. You know, totally cool...ugh.

Well by the time he responded it was mid December, over a month later. I was already dating someone new, I wasted no time in those days. And I was "oh so in love". According to John, our entire correspondence over hte next 3 months, while he was on a skateboarding road trip across the country, all I did was talk about my super awesome boyfriend. I really know how to win a guy's heart, huh?

So he came home around Christmas time, and we continued talking, but I was spoken for. I got broken up with at the end of January. I was heartbroken. I spent a few weeks hanging out with friends, and trying to stay busy. On March 11, a Friday night, I invited John over to hang out at my house. Boys did not come to my house. It was very rare, but I figured he wasn't really interested anyway. I also invited a close guy friend over, figuring John was going to say no. I was wrong. He was at my house within a couple hours, and then my friend Justin came over, and he brought his friend Greg. Talk about awkward. They visited for about a half hour and quickly got the hint that it was time to go.

John and I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, talking and hanging out. We kissed, and he went home. I knew my feelings for him, but I thought I was just being crazy and falling too fast because of the recent break-up. I also figured I wouldn't hear from him for the standard "two days". I was wrong. He called me at noon the next day. He said he wanted to hang out that night. Great, I thought, there's a killer snow storm coming and I am not driving out to his house, about 45 minutes away. He said he'd pick me up, and I could spend the night at his house. Well, his mother's house.

Against my better judgement I agreed. He came to pick me up, and helped my mom shovel the driveway before we left. Major points there. I spent the next two days snowed in at his house... and the rest is history. Seriously. We spent two days laying all the cards on the table. I mean, we laid it all out there and for the first time in my life I told someone every dirty detail. I've never had to hide anything from him. I've never had to put on a happy face, or pretend that everything's ok. I could be myself with him, righ from the beginning. I didn't even know who I was at 20 years old. He has always supported me in my quest to really figure myself out. He's never judged me, or made me feel embarrassed. (Oh, except when he teases me about the first time I talked to him... but who can blame him?) I knew from that first weekend together that this is real, and this is forever. He knows me as well as I know myself, sometimes better. He truly is my other half, and I'm lucky that he loves me as genuinely and fully as he does. I'd be lost without him.

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