Kisses

I never thought about kissing much. I mean sure, as a teenager waiting for my first kiss I obsessed about it. And then it happened, and ugh, I wondered why I obsessed. Bad experience. And yes, to those that know me, I was 16 years old when I had my first kiss, as unbelievable as that may be.

Throughout my teenage years and early twenties, I never gave kissing too much thought. I mean, I did it. I made out with boys, but I never had that flutter of anticipation that I always expected. I never had that nervous excitement that I was taught to expect by Disney and the movie industry. Of course during that time in my life, I wasn't holding too many things sacred. Kissing was just another stepping stone to other things, and it "meant" nothing to me.

Then I met John. I know this sounds silly, cliché, and untrue but I swear to you that on our very first "date", which ended in our first kiss, I felt everything I was expecting to. That was about the only "fairy tale" part of our courting experience. Our beginning is actually a fairly amusing tale that I'll have to chronicle at some point.

I digress. Back to the kissing. So, in meeting John I realized just how much meaning can be packed into one little instant of lip contact. Kissing can convey so many emotions. We've kissed "I love you's" and "I'm sorry's." We've kissed in times of grief and loss. We've kissed in times of celebration and accomplishment. We've even kissed "I do's" and "Until death do us part's".

Each kiss had a different message, a different emotion, but still the same reaction. Pure love. John and I have been together for 6 years now. It's very hard to believe. It feels like we are still teenagers, though I was just under 21 when we started dating. 6 years of kissing the same person, and you don't expect to get a brand new emotion or feeling from a kiss.

Then I got a kiss from my child. Holy shit. The overwhelming feeling of love, bliss and pride that is packed in one little peck from your child is unbelievable. And I'm not talking about when they are babies and give "kisses". I mean when they are at the toddler age, when they kiss you because they want to convey some kind of emotion. I won't lie, sometimes Lucas kisses me for funny reasons. Sometimes he is happy, sometimes he's sad. Sometimes he's feeling snuggly and just wants a "smooch" (as he calls it). He always smooches me to say hello, and I get a smooch goodbye. But my favorite smooches are the "just because" smooches. And just as I never get tired of John kissing me, Lucas' kisses never get old.

I hope Lucas grows up and feels like he can always give him Mom a kiss. I hope he never gets too embarrassed to kiss me. I don't know if I can handle that. I think it will break a piece of my heart. I know he will always love me, even if he doesn't like me in the moment. But if he takes away those kisses, I may begin to have doubts. Is that ridiculous? Why do I even think about things that are light-years away...? Any other Mom's have similar thoughts?