Looking forward

I've been hesitant to talk much about my future on here for the past couple months. I was laid off in December, and due to a paperwork debacle, I've been on unemployment since January. I really wasn't sure what I wanted to do. I applied for a few jobs, but they haven't panned out yet. I'd really like to go back to school.

At first, I thought I'd like to go back to a community college, and "round off" my Early Childhood certificates, and get my infant/toddler and Lead certificates, since I already have a preschool certificate. The more I thought about that, the sillier it seemed. I always have my preschool certificate to fall back on. I have plenty of childcare experience, I really don't need the extra certifications to get my foot in the door anywhere. I could get those while working in a center, without much problem.

Then tax time came, and while part of me loathes getting ready for tax time, a bigger half really enjoys it. I like putting all the data together, making all the numbers match, and categorizing all the purchases. The part of me that hates it is the part of me that wants to punch John & BoB in the face for their lack of organization. It really has nothing to do with the taxes/numbers themselves.

We went to our accountant with my spreadsheets and calculations in hand, as always. I made a joke that ifhe ever needs help to give me a call. To my surprise he paid me a great compliment. He said that I am very good at accounting functions, and he'd be glad to hire me during tax season next year. That got me thinking. If he's offering me a foot in the door, albeit a temporary foot in the door, I should take advantage.

I looked into getting an associate's degree in accounting. I even mapped out my course-load, and I could feasibly finish by the end of summer 2012, possibly earlier if some credits transfer. I feel like this is the best course of action for me. Unemployment has a program that extends your benefits if you are in school to make you "more employable".  I have an appointment on Monday to speak with a representative to see if I qualify.

In an effort to get the ball rolling, I paid of the last of my debt to BSC. I know, I said I was completely out of debt a while back, but I was mistaken. I had paid of my federal loan, and had no idea I still owed BSC close to $3,000. They have been taking my entire state tax refund to pay down the balance for the past few years. To make myself feel better this year, I called and paid the balance in full before they could help themselves to my refund. Financially it makes no difference, but I felt better about it. It also takes the hold off of my account so I can access my transcripts when I need them.

So now I wait, very anxiously to see if I qualify for the program to extend my UI benefits. If I don't qulaify, I'm not sure what road to take. I have some tough choices to make. Likely, I'd have to take a job at a daycare, and bring Lucas with me part time (much like Maggie May @FluxCapacitor), and go to school at night. It would take twice as long, most likely, but I could still get it done. I have to get it done.

I owe this to Lucas. He deserves the kind of future that he wants to create for himself. It's my job to help him until he can help himself.
I owe this to John. He has reached for his dreams, and worked damn hard to get there. He continues to work very hard to keep his dream alive, and he's always encouraged me to do the same.
I owe this to my parents to dumped a ton of money into my education at BSC for nothing. I didn't appreciate it at the time, I just wanted to get out of the chaos of my family life at the time. I have nothing to show for it.
I owe this mostly to myself. I've always allowed myself to play second fiddle, both figuratively and literally. (I was actually 2nd chair, in the 2nd violin section in high school.) I have always been the type to help everyone else and put myself last. I need to do this for me. I know that I will justify it by saying "it will help everyone", and it will. But when push comes to shove, I need to do this because it's what I want to do. It's where I want my life to lead.

For now, my life is leading my upstairs to help soothe Lucas down for a nap, because he has spent the past 20 minutes roaring like a dinosaur. I love his roar!