Photo Challenge Week of 11/1/11

I know that this is not a great photo, but... Halloween was cancelled in our neck of the woods. Thanks to an untimely Nor'easter, the area was full of downed power lines, power outages and other trick-or-treating hazards. We'll be heading out to trick-or-treat on Friday night, but here's a cute photo of Lucas in his Dino costume from Monday. 

PS, please don't give me any seatbelt shit. I know that the clip goes on his chest, parallel to his armpits. I adjusted it after the photo. My parenting skills have kept him alive this long. Thanks

Linking up with The Paper Mama Photo Challenge

Photo Challenge Week of 10/24

This week's photo challenge is "face".

If you know Lucas, you know he's obsessed with brushing his teeth. He brushes every time I use the bathroom, which if you know me, is a lot! I decided that it was high time I documented some of his hilarity. 90% of his teeth-brushing technique is sucking the water out of his toothbrush. I love this face.

Linking up with The Paper Mama's Photo Challenge

 

Busy weekend

Weekends are always busy. This weekend was especially busy!

Friday night, Lucas & I attended a suprise 30th birthday party for my best friend's sister. Turns out she got engaged that morning and announced at the party. It was great fun, though Lucas and I only lasted about an hour. 7pm is a bit late for Lucas to start partying. I made these delicious donuts for the party, but forgot them!! Sorry, Lisa!

Saturday was a whirlwind of preparations. I baked 2 batches of Rolo cake-mix cookies, and plated them with my donuts. I ran around like a crazy person to get Lucas all packed up for his overnight visit with my in-laws. After dropping him off, I made a mad dash back home and had a whopping 45 minutes to get ready for the 3rd Annual True To You Stump Trivia Night Fundraiser. I wore my FAVORITE (to date) thrifted dress. It's an adorable magenta pinstriped house dress. I love it.

Sunday we spent the day at my mother in law's house. Lucas loves it there, and after seeing the photos below, anyone can see why. It's so peaceful on the lake, and the comfort of being at a grandparents house, combined with the beautiful scenery is just irreplaceable. I love spending time there!

The view

My handsome husband

The boys heading out to go fishing

Yes, his eyes are THAT blue

I love these chubby little hands

1st fish of 5 !!! 

He had to touch all of the fish & throw them back in!

See what I caught, guys?

**Before I catch heat from the safety police. I know he should have a life vest on when near open water, this lake happens to be knee deep at the end of this dock, and there were 6 adults and two children. Also, we had Lucas wash his hands after touching the fish, I know they have bacteria and germs on them. **

Brimfield

I realize that today is 9/11, and this may seem like a tasteless post. However, I took some time to reflect this morning, and I decided that the best way that I can honor those that were taken from us, and those that continue to fight for our freedom, is to keep on living in the face of adversity. I want to maintain a sense of normalcy in a world that will never be the same.

I had a "girls night", of sorts, on Friday night. Heather and I were once like sisters. We lived together for a period, worked together, and spent nearly everyday together. Due to a combination of bad feelings, and life decisions, our friendship came to an abrupt halt a little over a year ago. It was tough for me to get over, but I was being stubborn, and i think that she'll agree that she can be just as stubborn as I am. I think we both made mistakes, and we finally decided to put the past away recently and grab dinner.

Well dinner led to plans to go to the Brimfield fair. Since Heather lives in Boston, we decided it made more sense for her to come sleep over and then we'd wake up early and head to Brimfield. We were supposed to chat about accounting homework, and eat treats on Friday night, but life found a way to make us sit around and polish off a bottle of wine while chatting about boys, life and other gossipy topics. In true "girls night" fashion, we sat around for hours chatting and catching up. I even managed to squeeze an apology in there. It was time to own up to my mistakes, and my unfair treatment of a good friend.

At any rate, we woke up at 7am after having gone to bed at 2am. I can't tell you the last time I stayed up till 2 am drinking wine and chatting with a gal pal. I put my best foot forward, though. My tummy was NOT happy, but a greasy breakfast sandwich helped a little. We were SO not prepared for just how large Brimfield really is. We arrived at 8 am, and walked around for about three hours. We didn't really have a plan in mind. Neither of us was there in search of anything, but just wanted to see what it was all about.

We both agreed that next year, we need to come with a plan and some cash that we tuck away throughout the year! There were so many treasures; so many DIY projects just waiting to be taken home. The clothes... holy shit the clothes. I couldn't even bring myself to pick through them because I wanted to take them all home. There was a  powder blue sweater dress similar to the one that Pee Wee wears in "Pee Wee's Big Adventure", I definitely had to stop myself from buying it.

Next year I want to go for two days. One day focus on clothes, and the next on the other stuff. There were a few booths FULL of vintage Pyrex & Fiesta ware. There was tons of vintage shoes, hats and other accessories. My favorite booth, however, had a variety of tie-dyed dresses. Tons of vintage style dresses, with a dark tie-dye pattern. I realize how awful it sounds, but it was AMAZING. I had a tough time walking away. I wanted them all. I didn't dare peek at the price tags. The furniture was like something out of a dream, with price tags that ran the gamut.  You could find a fixer-upper Victorian style couch for $10, or a completely restored vintage hutch that would make you weak in the knees for a couple thousand dollars.

My thrifting adventures for the next few weekends will be focusing on finding myself a vintage wool cloche, maybe a good coat, and some boots for sure. Suggestions, friends?

Dear Young Self

I am a twitter lurker. There I said it. I rarely tweet at people, mostly silly tweets, and I read lots of tweets. I'm more an observer than participant. Anyway, #dearyoungself has been trending for a while now, and it got me thinking... what the hell would I say to myself... let's say 10 years ago.

Dear 17-year-old Nicole (young self),

You have no idea what your life has in store for you. You are about to enter your senior year of high school, and every decision seems "life & death". Relax, and enjoy the rest of high school. You'll grow to miss certain aspects of it.
Don't use the word "regret" unless you truly mean it. You will make MANY mistakes in the next 10 years, but they will bring you to a place of happiness. It will not be an easy road, but holy shit , it will be worth it.
Money doesn't mean shit. Stop obsessing over getting a job that makes the most money. Do what makes you happy. You won't listen to this now, but you will realize it later.
There's a light at the end of every tunnel, but some tunnels are MUCH longer than others. Just be strong, and you'll get there. You always do.
Work hard, but listen to your gut. You need to let loose and have fun. (On second thought, you may have let loose a bit too much from 19-21, so be careful!)
Your actions now have serious consequences. Don't change your course of action, but maybe the method is questionable. Food for thought.
Cherish and nurture your friendships and relationships. People, unfortunately, come and go in your life. Enjoy them while you can, you never know when they might be gone forever.
ASK QUESTIONS. You will lose most of the oldest generation (your grandparents' generation) before you are old enough to ask them everything. This is one thing you will look back on and feel the very truest form regret.
Enjoy your young body. It sounds cliche, but it really never is the same after a baby. And we all know that you are lazy about fitness. You will pay for that too. Tenfold.

Overall, you did pretty well. Don't be so critical of yourself. Oh yeah, and toss that self consciousness out the door. You won't need it where you're going. You will find love, in the most unexpected of places and you will fall madly and hopelessly for him. Your world will turn upside down, and then upside down will become the new norm. Just when everything is in balance, something will turn it around again. Your heart will grow which each new addition (pets and BABY!!!) Your life will be full. You will be happy. Enjoy life, and stop worrying. Everything will be fine!

The great cup hunt

Ok, Mamas. I seriously need your input here.

I am looking for a new cup for my son. My requirements are as follows:

1. Must have a flip-straw
2. Must be no leak
3. Must be insulated for traveling with milk

Doesn't sound so difficult, now does it? 

Well here are the products that I have personally used, and one that my sister in law uses with snippets from my conversation with her this morning. Most of these were used before I came up with my cup-finding criteria. 

1. Munchkin Mighty Grip Flip Straw Cup

img via google products

My review: Awful. I bought 6 of these. Originally I bought them in combination with the cup below. I wanted the size of this cup, and the handle from the smaller cup, so I bought 6 of each. They were so cheap, I figured why not. The straw assembly is tough to put together, and flimsy at the same time. Also, the lack of insulation was the kicker for me. They also leak when dropped on their sides. No good.

2. Munchkin Mighty Grip Trainer Cup

img via google products

This cup was great when Lucas was a toddler. It didn't leak. It was a pain to line up the silicone "nipple" part with the plastic handle assembly. But it rarely leaked. My only complaint is that Lucas easily bit through the sippy part. I did get a solid year's use out of these cups, and for a cup training toddler I would definitely recommend them. Cheap and effective. Just how I like things!

3. Nuby No-Spill Sippy

img via amazon.com

I bought these cups for two reasons. They were on sale at K-Mart, and we already replacement sippy parts that my sister in law gave us. I thought the silicone sippy assembly was sturdier, and that Lucas wouldn't be able to bite through them. I was wrong. I'm glad I only bought 3. They were not expensive, as far as baby gear goes, it just didn't meet my expectations.

4. Embark Eastman Tritan Water Bottle

Img via milo.com

I bought two of these water bottles, on an impulse buy, at Target last weekend. THey have been pretty good for juice/water, but I wouldn't really use them for milk. They are really big, and obviously very transparent. There is no insulation. Many of the reviews are negative, but I haven't had an issue with them. Lucas likes them, they've done well in the dishwasher, and for around $5 a piece, I am pretty content. Again, they just aren't right for "milk cups". So the search continues. 

5. Stainless Steel, no brand name, water bottle with straw - I bought a fairly generic looking water bottle from Wal*Mart last week. It was awful, and I got my $3 worth. It leaks all over the place, and when I got it home I realized it wasn't insulated. Waste of $3. 

6. Thermos FUNtainers:

img via google products

My sister in law has MANY of these for her kids. I assumed that she loved them, but I was wrong. She is very disappointed in them. Despite saying "dishwasher safe" on both the website, and the packaging when purchased, she was said to report that the bottom piece of plastic often melted and/or fell off of her FUNtainers after only a few washes. She sent MANY back to the manufacturer to be replaced. She also reported that her littlest guy (who is 6 months older than Lucas) has chewed threw many straw assemblies, and she has bought many replacements. She did not recommend that I buy them. She did say that the insulation qualities, and no-leak qualities were second to none. But for the price of between $12-20 per cup, she said it's not worth the lack of wash-ability. 

So Mamas? What do you use? Should I just suck it up and hand-wash the FUNtainers? HELP!!

Jealousy

During a tweetversation tonight, I surprised myself by admitting my guilt about being a jealous wife. Now I want to know, WHY?!

I've always been self conscious. In past relationships my jealousy had gotten the better of me. Many times. I often sought the attention of boys whose attention belonged elsewhere to make myself feel better, which had quite the opposite effect. And did wonders for my reputation.

I've long since forgiven myself for the mistakes of the past. I was young, I didn't know who I was yet, and I was grasping for something to hold onto. Silly. Oh so common.

As I entered my relationship with my husband, we both aired ALL of our dirty laundry. On our second date. I mean... ALL of it. There was no stone left unturned. I learned quite a bit about his first love, and longest relationship (to that point). I'm glad he felt that he could tell me his feelings about the relationship, and he was quite candid. He told me how he felt at the time of the break-up, how he dealt with it, and how he felt about her as we entered our relationship. He has always been 100% honest with me, and I didn't feel jealous at all.

Well, at least not for the first few months. We would go out dancing, girls would make eyes at him, and I would be ok with that because he was (and IS) the most truly loyal person I had ever met. Honestly, even in the beginning, I think cheating would have hurt him more than it would have hurt me in the long term. What I mean by that is, he would hold himself more accountable for it than I would in the long run. I would find a way to blame myself, as most women do, but he would know that it was his decision and he would have to live with it. He just doesn't have it in him.

Then we went to a going away party for a friend of his that was moving to California. And guess who showed up? His first love. She had every right to be there, she was still friends with all of these people. I'll tell you, it was the most awkward thing in the world. He felt uncomfortable, and I felt even worse. They hadn't seen much of each other in the two years since their breakup, and I'd never met her. There was no introduction, we just kept our distance. I hated it, and it planted this seed of...doubt? I don't know what the word is, but I had this uncomfortable feeling about her. Like... there was a piece of the puzzles missing.

Of course, being nutty & jealous, (and I can't believe I"m admitting this publicly) I would periodically take a peak at her myspace page here and there. (Yep... this was before the days of facebook, y'all!) In time, my discomfort settled, and I kind of forgot about her. Her name still comes up here and there, and John has no problem answering questions about their relationship when I ask.

Then, a couple weeks ago, out of nowhere, the jealousy came back and hit me like a Mack truck. We had a friend over, watching old roller blade videos of John and his friends from high school. In the middle of one of the tapes was a skit that they did together, with other friends. The minute I saw her face, i was angry. I don't know why, but seeing them together, in a skit depicting family life, for the whopping 5 seconds (literally) that it was on, was too much for me to bear.

Why?
Am I afraid that there's someone else that could make him happier than I do? No... I don't think so. Not only has he told me that no one else could, but his family often tells me how well we fit together. We truly do compliment each other's personalities. That is not to say we don't have our problems, we have to work hard at our marriage, but we do it. And we do fairly well!
Am I jealous of what they had? Absolutely not. That relationship did not end well, and it deteriorated slowly before it finally ended. It was a bad situation, and I'm glad we are not like that.

So what is my issue? He's the love of my life. I'm the love of his. We are happy. We have it really good.
What is my issue with this girl? I'm never jealous when he gets hit on (many times) at work by Mommies dropping off their kids. In fact, I'm flattered when other women find him attractive and flirt with him.

Maybe I need to just watch all the skits, and get over it. I mean, seriously. GET OVER IT!

Lucas' Birthday Party

My camera died, about an hour into the party. Such a bummer. All that prep work, and no photos of Lucas enjoying cake. I did get photos of some of the details though, and I know that photos will trickle in from family members of the the next few weeks.

The theme:
    Lucas is obsessed with "The Cat in the Hat Knows A Lot About That", which is a show on PBS kids. They sing a song (can be heard here), and Lucas loves it. He calls the show (and the Cat himself) "Go, GO!" There was no decision-making process in deciding a theme for his party. He's obsessed. I went yard-saling shortly after his obsession started and I picked up every Dr Seuss book I could find, and I got about 10, for a mere $3. He calls them "Go, GO books!". I think he really enjoyed that Go GO was the theme of his party. He has since learned to say "Cat in the Hat" and "Thing 1 & Thing 2" but still prefers his own name!

The Food:
   Ok, so I wasn't really feeling like cooking this year. Last year, if I remember correctly, we had a full-on cookout. Which resulted in John not being able to visit with anyone because he was grilling. The whole time. This year, I put my foot down. I said NO cooking. We ordered pizza from the only local pizza place that has sheet pizza with egg-free dough. One of our nephews has an egg allergy and I always make a point to have as many egg-free items as possible. This year is 100% egg free! Yay! In addition to pizza, we had a garden salad and a pasta salad. A simple, yet yummy little lunch. My sister-in-law also brought a nice fruit salad!


The "cake":
    We are not big "cake" people, in the traditional sense anyway. So this year I opted to keep with our theme and make "thing 1 & thing 2" cupcakes. I used a recipe from the lovely Lauren (you can find her here), who was gracious enough to give me a delicious vegan chocolate cupcake recipe. YUM! Again, I had to be egg-free, hence the vegan recipe. We also ordered an ice cream cake from DQ. This is our typical "go-to" for parties because it's the only ice cream cake with no egg! (Crazy, right?)

The goodie bags:
    I'll admit it. I'm a cheap-ass. I mean, super cheap-ass. I hate spending money on things like goodie bags, but this year I had to. Last year, I threw some bubbles & candy in a bag and that was that. This year, I learned my lesson. I needed to find goodie bag items that doubled as activities for the kids. We had 3 babies under 1 (ok, one turned one last week), 4 kids around 2 years old, and 5 kids over hte age of 5. Weird age range, hard to entertain. Our yard is TINY. It run the length of our house (front to back) but is only about 15 feet wide. We have a small swingset in the back, and the party was held in the driveway. I bought cheap ($1 for all!) red lunch bags and drew a hat on them & labeled them with each childs name. I got some toys, bubbles, candy, and most importantly WATER GUNS, for all the kids. Little effort, a total of $25-30, and a bunch of happy kids. Works for me!

The decorations:
     I didn't decorate at all last year. There was no theme. This year I bought all red & white & black things to go with our Cat in the Hat theme. Since Lucas' birthday is 4 days before 4th of July, red & white stripes are not so tough to find! I had a blast. Streamers, and table cloths. So fun! I think I spent about $20 on all the paper goods and decorations, but it made a big difference (if only to me!)


My brag-worthy moment:
     John and I spent a solid week making these stand-ins. And man did we do it in the WRONG order. John drew the characters onto 3 pieces of plywood. Then I had the painstaking task of priming the characters, then the background. I painted Thing 1 & Thing 2, and John painted the Cat in the Hat. It took a long time! But we had a blast working on an art project together, despite the fact that it took over our kitchen for a solid week. We put it all together on Friday morning, made a frame to hold it up, and cut the face-holes on Saturday morning. I'm pretty impressed with our work! I think we're going to do one each year, but in a far more efficient way. This whole project cost us about $25, because the wood was re-purposed wood from the skate park. We only had to buy paint, and we could have spent FAR less money if we didn't buy such a large amount of paint & if we had a good supply of paint brushes. We had a blast!

Our goofy, very happy family :)

Lucas & his 2 cousins from my side of the family

My Nana (Lucas calls her Nana A. A is for Aitken) was even able to get in a photo, in her wheelchair!

Before we cut out the faces....

Inspired by: Nerdy Apple Bottom (again)

I have previously blogged a response to this post by Nerdy Apple Bottom. I have followed her blog since that very famous viral post, and yet again she has me pondering big issues. This time she  posted about things she will not tolerate. I decided I should make a list of my own. While many of the items may be the same, or similar, I have a few others to add.

1. Derogatory use of the following terms:
• retard
• faggot
• gay
• homo
2. Disrespect to me, or anyone around me. 
3. Soap Scum
4. Mistreatment of a child, under any circumstances
5. Stinky Leftovers
6. Intolerance of religious differences
7. Stray eyebrow hairs
8. Bullying
9. Razor burn
10. Littering
11. Socks with sandals
12. Mistreatment or discrimination of individuals with mental health issues
13. Sharing blankets with my husband - impossibly frustrating. 
14. Being judged solely on one's past (myself, or anyone else)
15. Showering alone (unless absolutely necessary)
16. Domestic violence of any kind
17. Deleting photos 
18. Infidelity
19. Water in my ears
20. Unrealistic expectations

Oddly enough, John and I just watch a great movie about intolerance/tolerance last night called That's What I Am with Ed Harris playing a high school teacher. It was a really nice coming of age, feel-good flick. I might have shed a tear or two at the end, but that's not exactly tough to elicit from me. 

What's on your list? 

Circus

This will likely be mostly a photo post. I'll include a little blurb about each photo beneath it. I don't really have the words to describe just how awesome last night was. We needed it for a lot of reasons, and it was nice to feel like all was right with the world, for those few hours at the circus!

This photo is a little dark, but if captures Lucas's spirit perfectly. The look of "wow", and John's look of peace are all I need in this world. Seriously. It's the bottom line for me. 

A little unsure about this fluffy stuff...

"Ok, well if it's Daddy's favorite then I'll give it a shot!"
(Ps, I don't wanna hear about how horrible it is to give a two year old cotton candy.
We're at the fucking circus. Leave me alone!)

These tigers were phenomenal. I was so impressed, and you could tell they were very well treated and their trainer really loved them. They were so sweet, and very talented. Lucas really liked them, and continued to "ROAR" even after they were out of sight.

Yes, that is a tiny little man up there, dangling above those onlookers. He was extremely exciting to watch, and Lucas kept saying "Oh, wow!"

These camels scared the shit out of me. They were running, at full camel-speed around the "ring". Did I mention the ring was a whopping 2 feet in front of us, separated by a PVC "fence" with a vinyl banner?? I thought for sure we'd be trampled to death. Alas, we survived, and the camels had some pretty neat tricks!

Why, yes, that is a Jack Russel riding a pony. What of it? My mother has a Jack Russel named Max, and Lucas was convinced that it was Max out there. He was so proud of Max. So proud.

The elephants were definitely the best part of the show. Such sweet gentle animals, so huge. Lucas insists on yelling "moooooooo" at them. He knows they are elephants, and says so. He'll also tell me they go "brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr" (while pointing at the sky as if he had trunk), and immediately follows it with "mooo". Cracks me up.

Wow, elephants! I was amazed.

I'm so glad they saved the fire act for the end. Lucas is petrified of all things "hot". This scared the shit out of him. While he did't cry, he did shake and grasp on to me as if his very life depended on it. He was very scared, and I don't blame him. The heat from those flames was unreal, and as I said, we were VERY close.

...so much fun!

Everything I need. Everything I live for.

I should mention that Lucas was so well behaved, despite the fact that the circus started at 7:30 pm. He usually goes to bed at 8. Oh, and did I mention that it was raining? Oh it was raining. Pouring, even. And that tent was leaky! 

Lucas peed, all over John and I. Through his clothes. Onto both of us. And me being the oh-so-clever mom that I am, I swapped our diaper bag for a smaller version and never bothered to put extra pants in the small bag. Rookie mistake! 

SO... Lucas sat on my lap in just a diaper, with my sweatshirt wrapped around him like a blanket. He didn't seem to mind. We also lost our umbrella during the circus, due to a seating mishap. So we had to make a run for it when it was time to go to the car. Lucas enjoyed the "shooowwwwww" (pronounced like the first syllable of shower. Which is what he calls a shower). 

I love my boys. I'm so glad we spent this time together. I'm a lucky lady to be so loved by those guys. 

Trying new things

John and I have the ongoing debate about mywillingness to try new things. I often have an "I can't do that" attitude about things that I've never even tried, or haven't done since I was a child.

Yesterday, for example, I was SO proud of myself because I jumped a fence for the first time since I was fairly young. It's been at least 15 years. I strutted up to John when he came home, chest full of pride and said "Guess what I did today? I jumped the fence next door to the Verizon lot to take pictures". He was less than impressed, but I was so proud.

Well, John has recently started drawing again. He's a very talented artist, at least in my opinion. We have his very first oil painting from high school proudly displayed in our kitchen. It matches the decor perfectly. We also have various pottery/ceramic creations around the house. Music seems to have been his art form of choice lately, but he's recently been very interested in drawing traditional american tattoo flash using colored pencils. (See: Mike Malone).

He keeps encouraging me to try my hand at drawing. I've never been a great artist. I can read music, and play it on a violin, but I have zero creativity. I can't pick my violin and just play something. It's just not in me. I never really tried drawing or painting. Once the manditory art classes were over, I was done with art. I didn't feel like I was talented enough to continue my art education. Well, that and my schedule was full in high school with music classes. You see, in my high school you couldn't be a music student and an art student. There just wasn't enough time, and you were forced to make a choice.

Well today, I decided I was going to give drawing a try. I tore a piece of paper out of John's spiral-bound sketch pad (that way he'd never be able to see the horrible creation). I found his old sets of Prismacolors, because I wouldn't dare use the new set we just bought. Then he might know that I tried, and ask to see my attempt. (Sensing a pattern of insecurity here?).

Well I got my supplies, and took out some tattoo reference books. I found an owl and decided to give it a go. I'm not going to lie. I'm pretty impressed with myself. I mean, it's not perfect, and I definitely need to practice shading and blending, but I'm proud. Not only did I try something new, I wasn't terrible at it. I'm so proud that I'm even going to frame it, (using a frame I just happened to snag at a yard sale for .75 today!) and give it to John for Father's Day.

To most that sounds like a SUPER lame Father's Day gift. To John, it will certainly mean something. It will mean that he inspires me to move out of my comfort zone. It will mean that I trust him completely to share something that makes me insecure. It will mean that I love him, and everything he does for this family. Even when it's something as simple as encouraging me to try new things. That's what makes him a great Dad and husband. He doesn't have ridiculous expectations, and he doesn't push. He just encourages and supports. I love him, and I'm glad he is the father of my child(ren.... someday).

Ok so that's a crappy cell phone photo, but do you think I should leave the frame that tarnished gold? Or paint it? I was originally going to paint it black but I kinda like the tarnished look...?

Hoarding

I have compulsive hoarding tendencies. I'm very aware of them. They've have been passed down through generations of Walshes. When Rog passed away (I called my paternal grandfather by his first name) it took weeks to get through all the stuff. The garage was so full you couldn't even open the door. THe attic, which at one point was bedroom to many children, was unbelievably cluttered. His bedroom was filled with books and papers. It was unreal.

He passed those lovely hoarding genes on to my father. My parents' garage has no doors, but to hide the embarrassing amount of shit in there, they have tacked up some tarps. Hello, trashy? My father takes home things that his work is "getting rid of". He picks up things on the side of the road. One man's trash... right?

His sisters, my aunts, are also hoarders. I won't name names, but more than a couple have hoarding compulsions, ranging from yard sale obsessions, to just hanging on to/buying too much stuff. We all joke about the "junk room". Most people have a junk drawer, maybe a closet. Walshes have a junk room, or floor! I have two rooms. Yes... two rooms.

John is less than understanding about this issue, and I don't blame him one bit. I should be more clear, John is understanding, but he is not an enabler. He gives me time & space, but has put his foot down before things get out of hand. As I posted before, we cleaned out the garage last week, and organized the blue room too. I'm on my way to getting back in control.

I've often wondered why I do this. I'd like to say there's a "real" reasons. I can understand people that grew up in poverty having a compulsion to hang onto every little thing. That makes sense. I can understand people that have gone through significant trauma will hang onto things that help them cope. That makes sense. I have no reason for hanging onto things. I don't know what's going on.

I hang on to seemingly random things. I was given a lot of clothes and baby gear when Lucas was born. I feel like getting rid of them makes me seem ungrateful, but I only used about half of them. I realize this thought process is illogical. I also know that another family could benefit from my surplus if I donate my extras, but I still feel guilty. I feel like I'd be offending the gift-givers and hand-me-downers. Silly. I also hang onto any gifts that I receive, and I mean ANY gift. Since I come from a family of hoarders, I often get a lot of crap. I know that the "crap" I receive is well intentioned. I truly appreciate being thought of, but some of it is fairly useless to me. But again, I feel like I'd be disrespecting someone by getting rid of it.

John understands my wacky thought process. He is very patient with me, and tries to talk some sense into me.    I'm afraid that someday he'll give up, and our house will be on a TLC show. Funny thing is, his Dad is similar. He has two storage bins, a huge barn/garage, and basement full of things that "someone might need someday".  I wonder if the bug will bite John someday. I hope not!

I'll hold this quote close, as a mantra of sorts, until I can figure this all out:

As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler; solitude will not be solitude, poverty will not be poverty, nor weakness weakness. - Thoreau

Story of us

Oh where do I begin? And just how honest shall I be?

In September/October of 2004, I was in an on & off "relationship" with a boy I met in college. We went to a Bones Brigade show, despite my distaste for the band, on our way up to a weekend in Vermont. His name was Derek, and while he was a very nice boy and treated me well, we both knew it wasn't really going much of anywhere. We were pretty different. We had fun together, but it wasn't a relationship that had much substance. We were going in very different directions in life.

Anyway, we went to that show. It was at a church of sorts. I stood in the back with Derek, just kind of taking it all in. I saw a group of boys that were tough to miss. John and his friends kind of stick out in a crowd, even if it is such an autonomous crowd as is typical at a hardcore/thrash show. I remember thinking that John and his friends looked like the only kids having fun. They were the only ones joking around and laughing. I definitely noticed them, but never said hello. I mean, why would I? I was with a boy, and was perfectly content.

A couple weeks later I went out with my best friend, Lori. She is from a very different social circle than the one I was spending most of my time. She was living a very typical college life style. She frequented college bars and clubs. I frequented shows, coffee shops, dive bars, and a more "alternative" crowd, for lack of a better term. I hesitate to use the term "hipster" due to the stigma of it, but I guess I should call a spade a spade.

Lori & I were headed out for Halloween weekend. I believe it was a Friday or Saturday night, and Halloween was on  a Sunday if memory serves me correctly. We went to some bar, and then headed to a really scummy Providence club. I won't name names, but this club was very "college dude guy" oriented. It was right around the corner from Club Hell, which I frequented, and I had a little anxiety that someone would see me going in this other club, because it was the punchline of a lot of jokes in my circle. At any rate, we went in, and I had a good buzz on, and we were dancing. Then I saw John dancing with a friend. I couldn't be sure if it was actually the same kid.

Here's where the story gets embarrassing. In my infinite wisdom I followed him around this club for a solid 2 hours before Lori pushed me into him! Seriously? What are we, 5 years old? Well, that's how it happened. And since I had not prepared myself with anything to actually say in those two hours of trailing him, I uttered some ridiculous statement about how people "like us" aren't usually at this club, and it was nice to see him. Oh that was after I made sure he was the same kid from the show weeks before. Here I am claiming to be "different" from "these people", yet I'm sure dressing the part. I completely forgot I was dressed like a hooker. Oh and carrying Lori's cigarettes (something that i am vehemently against). Oh and drunk and John is straight edge. No drinking. Way to make a fool of yourself.

I chalked it up as a cringeworthy night, and hoped I wouldn't run into him again. Except I woke up (very hung over) and couldn't stop thinking about him. So I did what any 20 year old girl would do in 2004. I went straight to myspace. I searched and searched. 3 days later, I happened upon him by accident!!! Seriously, he showed up on a mutual friend of one of my ex boyfriends. It took me a few more days, and I sent him a message saying something about, how I made a fool of myself, but we should hang out. You know, totally cool...ugh.

Well by the time he responded it was mid December, over a month later. I was already dating someone new, I wasted no time in those days. And I was "oh so in love". According to John, our entire correspondence over hte next 3 months, while he was on a skateboarding road trip across the country, all I did was talk about my super awesome boyfriend. I really know how to win a guy's heart, huh?

So he came home around Christmas time, and we continued talking, but I was spoken for. I got broken up with at the end of January. I was heartbroken. I spent a few weeks hanging out with friends, and trying to stay busy. On March 11, a Friday night, I invited John over to hang out at my house. Boys did not come to my house. It was very rare, but I figured he wasn't really interested anyway. I also invited a close guy friend over, figuring John was going to say no. I was wrong. He was at my house within a couple hours, and then my friend Justin came over, and he brought his friend Greg. Talk about awkward. They visited for about a half hour and quickly got the hint that it was time to go.

John and I stayed up until the wee hours of the morning, talking and hanging out. We kissed, and he went home. I knew my feelings for him, but I thought I was just being crazy and falling too fast because of the recent break-up. I also figured I wouldn't hear from him for the standard "two days". I was wrong. He called me at noon the next day. He said he wanted to hang out that night. Great, I thought, there's a killer snow storm coming and I am not driving out to his house, about 45 minutes away. He said he'd pick me up, and I could spend the night at his house. Well, his mother's house.

Against my better judgement I agreed. He came to pick me up, and helped my mom shovel the driveway before we left. Major points there. I spent the next two days snowed in at his house... and the rest is history. Seriously. We spent two days laying all the cards on the table. I mean, we laid it all out there and for the first time in my life I told someone every dirty detail. I've never had to hide anything from him. I've never had to put on a happy face, or pretend that everything's ok. I could be myself with him, righ from the beginning. I didn't even know who I was at 20 years old. He has always supported me in my quest to really figure myself out. He's never judged me, or made me feel embarrassed. (Oh, except when he teases me about the first time I talked to him... but who can blame him?) I knew from that first weekend together that this is real, and this is forever. He knows me as well as I know myself, sometimes better. He truly is my other half, and I'm lucky that he loves me as genuinely and fully as he does. I'd be lost without him.