Monday, November 15, 2010


You'd think that I'd be used to being disappointed by now. She's been nothing but erratic lies, neurotic stories, and just general mayhem for her entire life. I mean, we're talking right from her birth. But it never fails as we hit yet another peak in the ebb and flow of her deceit, that I am completely floored. Every time I'm completely flabbergasted.

This one hit a sore spot, though. A recycled lie, aimed at a new target, that completely dismantled our family structure in it's first life. In it's second life, she seems to think she's some kind of hero. Wrong. She's a selfish buffoon, with no concept of consequences. She has rehashed an old wound, that would never heal, even if it had been left alone. It's taking a while to trickle through the family web, to reach each person. It's not going to be a pleasant journey, for anyone involved.

This leaves me with only a few concrete options. Obviously there are variations to these options, but it comes down to a tough decision. Cut her out of my life before her antics effect Lucas, or continue on this ridiculous roller coaster ride. There are so many variables, so many negatives to both options that it's hard to really see a positive at all. There is no positive outcome. There never will be. She's taken that option away from all of us. She took it away a long time ago.

If I cut her out, I'm also cutting out a niece and a nephew that I adore. I'm taking that close cousin relationship away from Lucas. I'm also creating tension for my parents, which is the last thing I want or they need. I'm not setting a wonderful example for Lucas by just severing ties.

If I don't come up with some kind of absolute resolution I'm sending an even worse message to Lucas. I'm essentially saying "When someone drags the family through the mud, disgraces us all time and time again, and makes life nearly unbearable, we just have to smile and keep on chugging because, hey, she's family" -- No. I need some kind of balance. She needs consequences. Lies upon lies upon lies, and I'm drowning in a sea of untruth while she just swims along as if nothing has changed. It's maddening.

I just hope I'm around to see her finally catch hell from all of the heartache she has caused. The turmoil left behind her is something that is indescribable. John says I should write a book. I probably should, but that would only further hurt my parents. I suppose I could write under a pen name to avoid further disgrace to the family. I just may do that. Maybe it will be a kind of therapy for me.

"He who permits himself to tell a lie once, finds it much easier to do it a second and third time, till at length it becomes habitual; he tells lies without attending to it, and truths without the world's believing him. This falsehood of the tongue leads to that of the heart, and in time depraves all its good dispositions."
THOMAS JEFFERSON, letter to Peter Carr, Aug. 19, 1785

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