Things I never thought I'd say...

I became very aware of the ridiculous things that I have to say to Lucas, sometimes yelling from across the house.

Here's a brief sample of my favorites:

"Don't lick the dog!!"

"Hey, get your thumb out of the cat's butt!"

"Ooooh, don't squeeze those so hard! You're going to hurt yourself!" (I'll let you guess what he was squeezing at diaper time)

"Ahhhh stop peeing in your mouth!" (another diaper classic)

"Shoes go on your feet, not in your mouth! Don't lick the soles of your shoes..."

"You can't jump on Daddy's crotch. You hurt him. He can't move now."

"You can't pull the cat's paw off, Luke"

"Please don't put *that* in your *mouth, ear, nose*... (You can choose just about any object/orifice combination)

"Lucas, Scooby (or Spooky depending on the day) is a doggie, not a horse. You can't ride her"

"I'm sick of watching your girlfriend on TV (the Verizon FIOS help channel host)."

"No, you can't sit on my lap while I'm going potty. It's weird... Ok fine."

(also, please be aware that all of these things are said in a very loving, caring manner. I never lose my patience, and I never yell. I never go off the deep end, and sarcasm is totally lost on me )