Thursday, March 24, 2011

No "right" answer

Well, so much for blogging more often. Life got in the way, again.

Let me give you a quick re-cap of the past week+ a few days.

Last Tuesday - Brought Mom to PT for her leg, followed by a quick visit to the lab with Nana for a urinalysis. Nana thinks she has a UTI, but there is major miscommunication among her children about who will bring her to lab, the reasons she needs to go, and the urgency. Just a glimpse at what's to come.

Last Wednesday - Lucas & I babysat the twins I nannied for. We had fun. This may have been the last time I see them before they go to Spain, though we didn't know it at the time.

Last Thursday - I get a frantic phone call from my mother at around 9 am, saying that Nana had severe abdominal pain and was being rushed to the ER. She asked me to bring her and Auntie Jeanne to the hospital in Norwood. Sure no problem. Arrive at hospital by about 11am. At 7 pm they decided to transfer Nana to Brigham and Women's in Boston to have surgery for a strangulated bowel caused by a hernia. Arrived at B&W's at 8pm, only to hear the Dr there say that her c-scan looked "clear" to him, and that there was no evidence of strangulation, therefor to emergent need for surgery. She was admitted to B&W's for pain management reasons. We left the hospital after 1am. Dropped Mom off around 2, and I was home at around 2:30am. I drove really fast. (Lucas was with Auntie Karla. until Daddy got out of work at 9)

Friday - Mom got a call at 7:45 am that Nana was going in for emergency surgery. She called me a little after 8, I drove her & Auntie Jeanne to the hospital. Mom was at her emotional breaking point, and tensions were high for a multitude of reasons among her siblings. Surgery began around 2pm, and was done by 6 pm. We stayed in the hospital and waited, and after seeing her in recovery around 7pm (maybe closer to 8) we left to go home. (Lucas spent the night at Auntie Karla's)

Saturday - Brought Megan prom dress shopping with Auntie Jeanne & Mom, and then went to visit Nana in B&Ws, but not without drama of course. My sister seemed to think there was some elaborate plot against her when i spoke to her that morning and denied her request to join us. There were many reasons that I said no. First of all, my mom's mental state was (and is) pretty unstable, she didn't need the stress of me & Stephanie, since we have been on the outs for the past few weeks. Second, Auntie was having a Mom-Daughter moment with Megan, she doesn't need ANOTHER unnecessary body hanging around. Mom & I did our best to stay out of the way and only interact when interacted with. That's important Mother-Daughter bonding. I prom dress shopped alone, as my mother was in the hospital at the time. Lastly, I had already had a long few days, and I just didn't have the emotional strength to deal with my sister. If you know her, you know that she takes a lot of effort. Whether on purpose or not she gets right under my skin sometimes, and I didn't want to go down that road. She sent my mother a barrage of nasty text messages, making my mother's mental state even more unstable. Lucas stayed with my cousin Amanda until we were done visiting, about 8pm. Then, since I wasn't sure what my sister was going to do, I decided to leave my car at my Mom's and have John come pick us up. We got home after 11 - and Lucas stayed awake!

Sunday- We went for breakfast with John's dad, and then headed to his Mom's house. Lucas was under the weather. He just wasn't himself. Tired, cranky, runny nose, cough. A mess. But I put my best foot forward. John was in the garage helping Tom with his mother's car, so I sat and visited with his Mom, and tended to a cranky little boy. Car repairs took way longer than expected, so Lucas had to nap without Monkey & Baby (I forgot to pack them...stupid). We headed home when he woke up.

Monday - Lucas and I hung around at home, I think. It's a bit of a blur, really.

Tuesday - I brought Mom to PT , and followed that with a visit to Nana. The case worker told us she may be discharged, which began a shit storm of arguments among my mom's siblings. We got back to Mom's around 4pm (I made her stop a few places for portrait outfits with me). I helped her sort through email and we tried to make a plan about what to do with Nana. There was a possibility that Mom & I would have to go back in on the following day to try to meet with her case worker or something.

Wednesday - We slept in, and were woken up by John's Mom calling to tell us she was 20 mins away, and was dropping her dog off. (I forgot we were dog sitting... ) We woke up Lucas, only to discover he was plastered with boogers from chin to hairline, and his eyes were and red as could be. I called the pediatrician and made him an appointment, but I made it for 2pm because I had to bring my mom to her counselor from noon-1, and I knew she needed to talk some things out. Rescheduling was just not an option. Well, she accompanied me to his appointment, so that I wouldn't be late, and we found out that the poor kid has double ear infections and conjunctivitis.

Now, how guilty do I feel? I've been shipping him off from this house to the next in order to deal with matter of life and death (not an exaggeration). Undoubtedly I made the right decision in helping my mother and Nana. However, I feel terrible. Like I somehow caused Lucas to be in pain. Does this mother's guilt stuff never end? I mean seriously?

Apparently it does not because my mother constantly feels guilty for asking for my help. I guess I understand why, now. The way I look at it, I'm paying it forward. She got me to this point in my life, and now it's my turn to help her when I can. That need will likely increase as time goes on, and she ages. Hopefully by doing so, Lucas will learn by example and do the same for John and I. Just as I (and John) have done for our parents. We're continuing a legacy, right?

Growing up kinda sucks. There is no "right" answer all the time. I guess I have to go with my gut, and hope that it all works out.

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