Wednesday, August 19, 2009

slow but steady

Another minor milestone for me...

I've always had trouble saying "no", or being completely honest about helping someone. Allow me to explain.

I got an e-mail from John's sister, who is getting married in 10 days. It was addressed to me, her sister (Karla), her mother (Claudette), and her best friend (Justine). It said something to the effect of, "I'm picking up my wedding dress on Friday, I don't want to go alone, is anyone available to go with me?".

Of course, I'm completely guilt-ridden. I already had plans, with Heather, to meet at the mall in the morning. I knew that Justine probably couldn't go since she lives in NJ. Claudette just got a new job, and was probably tied up. Karla has 3 kids under age 5!So, figuring that Keri was going in the afternoon, I replied "I can go with you, assuming John can watch Lucas. I'll talk to him. I'm supposed to go to the mall with Heather in the morning before her tattoo appointment at 1:00. What time were you thinking about going?"

I got a reply that simply said "I have an appointment at noon". Now I'm stuck in a tough place because she already knows that I intended to go to the mall, which is clearly less important than picking up her wedding dress & being her support. However, what she doesnt know is that Heather and I were supposed to have a girls' night, which might not happen now b/c of schedule conflicts, so this mall trip may be in lieu of girls night. Not to mention, Heather has been on a few dates with an aquaintance of mine (I won't over estimate and call him a friend, though he did help me through a tough time, more than he may know). I really need some Heather time. But I reply to Keri, and decide to be honest. I told her that I would gladly cancel my plans with Heather, as family/wedding is my priority, but I explained to her that this was my first opportunity to get together with her outside my house since Lucas was born, and to let me know what the plan was for Friday.

My honesty paid off. She replied that Karla had offered to go with her, and was taking the kids along. I sent her another e-mail that laid it all on the line. I told her that I really wanted to hang out with Heather, but wanted to be sure that she wouldn't be upset. She completely understood and was not upset at all. At least I don't think so. I honestly feel like she & Karla should do this together, and have a sisterly bonding experience.

I know this may not seem like much, but this is huge for me. I never say no. I am never honest with people about what I truly want, for fear of upsetting them. I'm glad I put my best foot forward and was as honest as I could be. I'm going to need to learn to say no, or decline invitations graciously if I'm going to have any "me" time.

On another positive note, I've been truly enjoying my time at work. Deb (my boss) told me that I would appreciate giong to work after Lucas was born, and I thought "yeah right. I'm going to be miserable". She was right. While I hate to walk out the door, and leave Lucas behind, I truly covet the time I spend at work. It reminds me that while my world has completely changed with his arrival, some things will never change. I still have to work. I enjoy coming to work because it helps me maintain some normalcy. The twins have been a riot lately, and it's nice to spend time with older kids. I enjoy the activities we can do together. Today we spent 2 1/2 hours making necklaces & bracelets with pony beads. Too fun!

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