Daydreaming

I'm sure that all mothers do this, but I spend a lot of time thinking about who Lucas will grow up to be. Little pieces of his personality are already shining through. He really loves to make people laugh. He is a people-pleaser. He's very affectionate and sweet. He's also a creature of habit. He likes certain things to be very routine. He really enjoys being startled. He gets a big kick out of it. I also suspect that he might be a bit of a thrill seeker. He likes to push himself outside of his comfort zone, and I love watching his though process through his facial expressions. It's hilarious.

I'm sure people are going to assume that we have "pushed" Lucas to skateboard, and they couldn't be further from wrong. While there are skateboards around him constantly, we've never stood him on the skateboard without him leading us to it first. He, since he was able to focus his little eyes, has always loves watching kids skate at the park. He has really shown a great interested in actually skating the past few weeks. He's incapable of being in a room with a skateboard without standing on it. He even knows enough to bend his knees and make a jumping motion on the skateboard, though he can't even successfully jump on flat ground yet. It amazes me that he is so interested in it.

But then it got me thinking. Lucas seems to "like" things that interest his parents, and I wonder if he is genuinely interested in these things or if he's more interested in sharing experiences with us that he knows we enjoy. For example, Lucas knows that John enjoys playing his Batman video game for a little while before he goes to work, so Lucas gets really excited when he gets to snuggle in and watch Daddy play. Now does Lucas genuinely like watching this Batman video game? I doubt it, but he likes spending that snuggle time with John. He's also been known to sit with me while I do things on the computer. There is no way he likes watching me type e-mail replies, or browse craigslist job posts, but he gets super excited when I pick up the laptop. Same thing when I pick up my camera, he comes running over and either says "cheese" or "me" and wants to try. Now he really does seem to like taking photos. He likes pointing the lens, "focusing" (aimlessly spinning the lens) and pressing the button and then checking it out after on the view screen.

So my concern is whether I'll be able to tell if he's picking up habits or hobbies. I know that he's not even two and he has no hobbies. I just don't want to push him in any direction. I don't want him to feel like he has to skateboard because we own a skatepark. I don't want him to feel like he has to be a musician because Mommy and Daddy both play instruments and love music. I don't want him to feel like he has to like anything that we like.

I don't care if he wants to skate, sing, play drums, juggle, ride a unicycle, dance ballet, play sports, play chess, read, write, or fold paper. I don't care what he does for a hobby as long as it makes him happy, and he gets something out of it. Whether he gets to express himself creatively, or release a little stress. Whether he gets a tangible product, or some spiritual experience. As long as he is happy, and he feels that his life is fulfilling then I will be happy.

I hope that I do a good job of showing him how I feel as he grows up. I want him to know that it's ok to be yourself, and that I will love every single bit of him. I may not always agree with his decisions and choices, but I will always love him. All of him.