Ok, so I couldn't quite bring myself to delete facebook. Who am I kidding, I'm too nosey. And I do like reading some of the stuff on there. For example, I wouldn't have known about a friends' new job if it weren't for facebook. I wouldn't be able to reach out to large amounts of people at once. I've decided that I need to compromise with myself. While I get annoyed with some people's priorities or lack thereof, I'm just as guilty as the next person of pointless status posts. I need to work on myself and not worry about other people. I need to stop passing judgment. I don't know what these people are dealing with on a daily basis. If deciding on a pair of shoes is the biggest dilemma in their life, well then, so be it. I'm jealous, in fact. I wish shoes were my biggest concern.

I am in the process of trying to make a good plan of what to do with my life when this nanny job is over. I don't need to worry until Sept 2012. My job is secure until then, barring something crazy happening between now and then. I am torn between going back to school to get a certificate as a certified paraprofessional (teacher's aide, really), or if I should just go back to being a preschool teacher again. The sad part about it is that I will likely take a pay cut either way. Going to school is really not possible for us financially at this point. And scheduling-wise, I'm not sure I could make it work. But who knows if I'd be able to find a preschool teaching job in September 2012. I'm a planner. I like to have a plan. And while I realize this is 2 years away, I don't like the "unknown". Scares the shit out of me. The reality of our situation is that I pay the mortgage. My entire paycheck goes there, and John manages to pay the rest of the bills. If I was to stop having an income, or take a paycut, we would have to find alternative housing. This scares me. I need to stop stressing about this, but I can't. I check job postings feverishly. At this point, I would leave where I am for more permanent position somewhere assuming the finances and scheduling would work out.

Seriously, being a grown up kind of blows. I always thought that I would be in a very "secure" financial situation when I grew up. I would "NEVER end up like my parents". HA! Not true. I was wrong. Not I'm struggling just like they did. But I'm happy. I mean, if money is the only thing I have to complain about, then I think I'm going alright. I have a happy marriage, a beautiful healthy son, a roof over my head, and I don't go to bed hungry.

Couldn't I just win the lottery or something? By magic, of course, because I won't waste money on that kind of crap...